Saying Goodbye

On Wednesday I booked a flight to Seattle to say goodbye to my dying Grandmother. On Thursday I was in her hospital room. The miracle of having a flexible and supportive job - and of airplanes!

My Grandma Krienke is the grandmother that I was closest with growing up. I spent a few weeks with her during some of my summers. Everyone says that I was her favorite - and I kinda like to think so. Although, I think with grandma's each grandchild is "their favorite!"

Grandma Krienke is honestly one of the most pleasant people I will ever know. She was so sick, and had to have been in pain - but never complained. She was always smiling - and saying how nice everyone there was. Grandma is suffering from dementia - so it's really cute when she tells you how nice everyone is... because your positive she doesn't remember!

Dementia is an interesting thing. There are the obvious draw backs - but there are some real blessings that come with it. I truly think it's God's way of protecting them. I think Grandma might have known what was going on if she didn't have dementia. As it was - seeing ALL of the family show up... was just... a surprise! And a surprise! And a surprise!

One of the great blessings for me was to hear the stories repeated so many times. The things that she could remember - were repeated frequently. Which helps - because although I don't have dementia - my memory isn't much better!

"Grandma, where were you born?"

"Oh, I was born in Dodge City Kansas. And then I moved to California. California girl. I lived in Los Angeles."

"When did you move to Washington?"

"When I married Paul. We used to live on the 18th green. So I golfed a lot."

"How much did you golf grandma?"

"I golfed in the morning, afternoon, and evening, Saturdays and Sundays!" - that one became one of my favorites! She repeated that line A LOT! She did it in such a cute way - because she could barely get her mind in order - but there were little sayings that she was able to rattle off very quickly (and cutely I might add!)

Another one she kept saying was "Oh well, now I'm really living" in reference to me adjusting her bed up or down.

When asked how the food was "Oh its wonderful! And I don't have to do dishes anymore, so that's the good part." Everything was a positive. Even when she talked about how she missed cooking - she would say "But now my memory isn't so good, so it's nice that I don't have to cook. I don't have to do the dishes, and that's the good part!" (I put in the repetition to give you an idea of how much I liked that line)

I loved when I asked her if she was good looking as a young woman; she said,"Of course!" Then she would give you face and stick out her tongue. She has a great sense of humor.

There were a few sweet blissful moments of what I like to think of as clarity. Some might say she was just having a lucky guess - but I think she knew it was me for just a few moments. She would tell me how much she loved and missed me.

One of those was when I gave her this seashell that I picked up off "our" beach. She used to take me down there every day. She loved seashells. Couldn't think of a better gift for her... than to give her a gift that would bring back a memory!

On Sunday night - I got to be with her alone - just once. I was able to say goodbye. Hug and kiss her. Cry. Tell her how much I loved her, and hug and kiss her some more. It was perfect. I left crying - but honestly, my heart was happy. She's always in such a good mood - and she doesn't even remember pain, so I knew that she was ok. I also knew that God was very near, and that He is very mindful of everyone... especially my Grandmother.

On another note. I got to see my family. I got to reconnect with long lost cousins: Ashley, Benjamin, and Theresa. I got to hear about their lives, and come to the realization of how much I want them in my life. We shared laughs, tears, and hugs. I also got to spend a lot of time with my aunt Lynne. She has been doing the majority of the caretaking for my grandmother- and I respect and love her so much. She has been doing a thankless job. Caring for someone with dementia is so difficult. Her life has not been her own for years. The news of grandmother rallying on Sunday wast bittersweet. I completely understood. I had just been there for a few days - but I didn't want my grandmother to have to keep going on. Getting better, and then worse, and then better again. Lynne has been by her side for so long - and I don't know how she has done it... I can't imagine being on that rollercoster for as long as she has! Amazing. Humbling. Lynne is such a neat woman. A little ADD... which was all the more endearing! She would even forget to eat because she would get so distracted. I wish! I've never been too anything to eat....

Jaren was able to come up on Friday and spend the weekend with us. I was so happy to be able to share my family with Jaren and vice verse. He fits in perfectly. Benjamin is in the Air Force and is flying planes. They discussed flying and military until we were all ready to throw up. I got the opportunity to realize (again) how much I need my husband. He truly is my perfect match. He comforts my soul, and brings so much peace into my life. Peace and balance.

The other funny thing that happens when you get your family together... you find out how much you are genetically predispositioned to be the way you are. Theresa, Lynne, and Ashley live so far away - and yet we have so many things in common. And there was a moment when Theresa and I realized we were repeating a conversation to each other, after we had just made fun of our mothers for repeating their conversations. No matter how much you may try otherwise - part of you will always be like your mother. Part of you will always be like your family. So just breathe.