First two weeks

In an effort to continue with my pledge of honest blogging... I will start with:

HOLY CRAP!

Why didn't anyone tell me recovering from having a baby was this hard? I don't like the feeling of... sitting, coughing, standing too long, or using the restroom (Could be renamed the stressroom for all I care!)

Good thing I got this amazingly cute girl to keep me going!

Alta is actually quite amazing, and I really do love her to bits. Some of my favorite moments have been during her baths. She loves the warm water... (I'm telling you this girl is gonna be a fish like her mommy). I love how content she seems here:

I also love breastfeeding. Well... during the daytime. Who really loves not getting sleep? But I think I like feeding her better this way than I would having to get up and make her a bottle in the middle of the night. I feel incredibly blessed to have this one thing go perfectly right (thus far). I have watched so many of my friends desperately try to breastfeed - and end up not being able to for one reason or another...

So I will say it again: I feel incredibly blessed! I have a good little eater. In fact, she's gaining weight like a suckling pro. She weighed in at 9 lbs 6 1/2 ounces at her two week appointment. That means she gained almost a pound in two weeks! She instantly latched at the hospital, and hasn't stopped since.

I also love watching her with her Daddy. It makes my heart melt to see my husband take care of our little girl. Alta knew his voice from the beginning, and loves her Daddy!

Anyhow, Jaren and I had a lot of help since her birth. We had my parents out first, and then they were followed by Jaren's this week. I don't know what I would have done without all the help. I totally had a breakdown today after Mom and Dad Brooks left and the realization hit that it's all on us now. Panic, Fear, Anxiety, Elation - all feelings I soared through with postpartum hormonal breeze! Then a phone call from Sparkle reminded me that everyone feels this way, and that I'm normal.

But it makes me go back to my original thought at the top of this post. I am totally enamored with all of my friends and family (and especially my own parents) that have gone before me in this vastly frightening world. I will say it again! HOLY CRAP this is hard!!! It's amazing, and wonderful, and totally worth it.... but also hard.

Which is good - because as we know - I like a good challenge!

Welcome Home

I am happy to report that Alta is officially home! We are so happy to have our little peanut finally join our family. As she is officially one week old, I think it is appropriate that I celebrate by our story.

We (my mother and I) arrived at Flowers Hospital at 5:00 pm on Tuesday November 3rd. I was already having some contractions, and was still hopeful that maybe the Cervidil alone would throw me into full blown labor.

Mom snapped one last shot of my pregnant belly... and we were off!

Now I bet your thinking... Wait, where's Jaren? Jaren had the opportunity to take my dad to fly in the Blackhawk helicopter simulators with one of our friends, and Tuesday night at 5 was the only time they could do it. Having already had a practice run (see last post), I knew that nothing significant would be happening for quite some time... so Mom and I went to the hospital while the boys went to play.
Labor officially began when they started Pitocin the next morning at 5:00 am. Wow! Isn't Pitocin fun? I managed for 5 1/2 hours before I couldn't breathe anymore. Jaren and I spent the time visualizing my favorite climbs. It was amazing for a long time, and it was really helping... but then it got to the point where I was sick of climbing (out of climbs to do), and couldn't focus because of the lack of a break (it was hurting ALOT in between contractions). I would be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed that I couldn't do this naturally. I spent about an hour of that time beating myself up for not being able to do what every other woman in the world prior to modern medicine seems to be able to have done. I was actually thinking, 5 hours isn't very long... I should have been able to do this longer (Yes, I am incredibly hard on myself)! Then Jaren reminded me that all of those women of the ages weren't on Pitocin, and that I wasn't going to get any medals for not being able to breathe. Then I thought of my labor Mantra (given to me by my good friend Meghan): There is no right way, there is only my experience of bringing my daughter into this world. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life... and I got to think about it for the entire HOUR it took to get the anesthesiologist to my room.

After I got the epidural, I was able to breathe and relax some, but I still felt a lot surprisingly. I could still move my legs, and although the contractions were no longer painful - I could still feel them and their intensity.

Jaren then had to go study for his test the next day (because the Army was so generous in giving him one day off to even be at the birth of our daughter)... at that point I was extremely grateful to have had the epidural because there is NO way I could have done it without Jaren.

By the time I got to 9 1/2 the epidural had worn off quite a bit. Here's the interesting part. When you finally decide that you want one - you have made up your mind that you don't want to feel any more pain. So I wasn't really "thrilled" to be hurting again. They gave me a "bump" on my epidural (that had run dry), and it did nothing.

So I did my pushing being able to feel it. Now that it is over, I'm truly happy that this is how it happened... but at the time, I was a little frustrated and scared. I wasn't sure if I could do it.

Well as mentioned earlier - Alta is home... so I did do it! It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Harder than any race, workout, or physical anything that I've ever done. And as for the question of which hurts worse - labor or a kidney stone? For me it is unequivocally LABOR. Maybe I've just had so many stones that I've gotten used to their pain... but dang - I could not have done months of labor like I did stones.

This is our beautiful daughter... her first picture! She looks so perfect!

Soon after, she was cleaned up... and Jaren got this cute picture.

And then my dad took this one. I love this picture because it tells so much of the story. I am so exhausted, Alta is so happy to be home, and Daddy is just so in love!

For some more photo's you can check out our Picasa web album of our little Peanut:

Peanut

Stubborn Little Girl

WARNING: Some of the information in this blog may be inappropriate for all readers. If you get squeamish by words like CERVIX... do not continue to read. Happily there are no pictures... because ... well... that would be gross.

***

Now then, for the sake of my posterity (and for the fact that my memory is shot - and I don't want to lose this information) I am documenting now what happened last week.

On Monday, October 26th, I had a Doctor's appointment. Jaren had to be at school, so I had to go alone. At this Dr's appointment they did their usual exams (checking my blood pressure, the baby's heart beat, and checking the cervix). The last exam was MUCH MORE PAINFUL than usual, and I was a little surprised by how much it hurt. After the exam, Dr. Gilchrist sat me up and said that he felt it would be necessary to induce me starting Thursday night due to the "fact" that my baby was getting so large. He stated that he felt that it would be my best chance for a vaginal delivery (if I did not go into natural labor before then). He stated that my baby was only going to continue to grow, and that my chances were far better this week than they would be next week.

Now anyone that knows me knows that I'm a masochist and for some reason really really really would like to have an all natural labor. I'm not saying I can do it - I'm just saying I would really like to try. Besides, how else am I going to be able to tell you which is worse, having a kidney stone or a baby? - and that myth really MUST be tested! (Are you picturing my own episode of Mythbusters? I am!)

Anyhow, at this point, I ask him if he feels it is medically necessary to do an induction. He says that if I don't want a c-section next week, that he feels that this is the best option.

I leave the appointment a bit devastated. I'm feeling like this is one more thing about pregnancy that I suck at, and that OF COURSE! it would happen this way. READ: I had a pity party!

After that, I called Jaren, and he said that he felt like the Dr. was maybe not our favorite, but he was competent and we should trust him.
Called mom... she said the Dr. was just trying to put me into his schedule...
Called lots and lots of people... all giving me their varying opinions on how I should handle the situation and my Dr.
Finally at the end of the night, with a LONG phone call to my sister Janis, I heard the information that I truly needed. She recommended (after a long list of medical things I should do first) that I get a blessing and then pray that Heavenly Father would help me know what to do, and help me to be strong through this process, and help Alta. VERY interesting advice from my sister who said right before it, "Now you know that I don't necessarily believe in God... but."

Strange where the blessing you need can come from eh? Oh, another side note. Janis helped me figure out that the Dr. had stripped my membranes earlier that day (with the evidence he had left behind), and that was why the exam was so painful.

Anyhow, I did get a blessing - and we did show up for the induction. That would be Thursday October 29th. They started me on Cervidil at about 8 pm, and then started me on Pitocin at about 4:30 am on the 30th. I was on Pitocin for about 2 1/2 hours. I had contractions, and thought this was it. They got the Dr. to come in and do a cervix exam and to break my water. I am literally thinking I'm going to have my baby soon...

Ha! Well my Dr. sits me up after what seems like an eternity of him rooting around up there... I swear that he could have gotten to it easier if he had started from my anus. Anyhow, he says that my cervix is VERY posterior. He says that if he were to continue me on the Pitocin that there was a strong chance for a c-section. So he kinda gives me the feeling that we are gonna be doing a c-section that day. To which I respond, "Uhhhhh... do we have another option?" He says, "Oh yeah, we can send you home and try this again next week." At this point I'm thinking, If we could have waited until next week in the first place I wouldn't have had to go through all of this you *&^#)&#(&#!" And yes... I actually bleep in my brain (LIE).

Anyhow, he says that he can not guarantee that I won't end up having a c-section next week/ And that he doesn't want me to be upset if I could have had my baby today rather than next week. I tell him that I would be happiest giving my baby the chance to come naturally. So they send me home. I'm supposed to do kick counts (never have to - because Alta is still training to be cage fighter and NEVER STOPS MOVING). And I'm supposed to come back to his office on Monday.

Over the weekend, I walk and walk and walk and walk... and kinda run (as my mom chases me with grocery carts, pinching hands, and threats).... and then I walk some more. I'm not going near Castor oil, sorry! Jaren and I get to feel like we are back on our honeymoon, and basically we are doing everything all the books say to bring this baby out naturally.

Well... Alta is one stubborn little girl. She got that from me, and she procrastinates like her father...

So I go to the Dr.'s appointment yesterday, and get checked again. The cervical exam is much less painful, and I don't feel like he is delivering a calf (like on City Slickers). He says that he is very happy with my cervix. I think: Oh good little cervix! He says it's mushy (I love this term), and that it is effacing. And then he tells me that I'm progressing nicely, and dilated to 1 1/2. WHAT??? That's where I was last week! He says that he doesn't really believe that I was there last week, and I think: that's where YOU told me I was! But then he reassures me that this was the cervix he was looking for last week after the Cervidil, and that this cervix could very well deliver vaginally. So he tells me that we are going to do this on Tuesday night (yup that's today). I ask if I can wait until the end of the week or if we can do a non-stress test. He says that he doesn't like pushing it after the due date (and he's on call on Wednesday). I tell him I'm fine if someone else delivers me... (I am so proud of myself for saying this)... and then he goes into a host of reasons why he doesn't want to wait anymore.

So at the end of it all... I feel good. And that's when I realize that I'm gonna be ok. The Spirit is strong, and I feel at peace. No, this isn't my favorite doctor. No I'm not a big fan of getting induced. No, I can't believe I'm still pregnant. But... amidst it all... I am at peace. If Alta comes into this world by induction or any other way... I'm gonna be fine. I am a survivor. That's what I do. I will make it through this.

So it's kinda fitting that I go into this final day and night of being pregnant at peace. It's how I feel right before a big race. I know I've done everything I can do to prepare. Now it's up to my body and the Lord.

Alta, if your listening... come on out now. :)