Ok, so I've officially jumped on the deployment roller coaster. The first month was like the beginning of any really good ride. It's scary - but you just keep feeling the jerking motion of the coaster pulling you along. You feel the anticipation of the climb. You are finding a rhythm to the whole thing... but overall - it's pretty exciting.
So the last two weeks were what I like to call "the drop." It was time for a reality check. My stomach was in my throat, and I was feeling pretty scared. The only difference with this drop - was that it lasted two weeks. The realization that only a month was done out of the possible 15 was heart wrenching. I got into a mental funk and couldn't seem to find my way out.
I am happy to report that as of Monday, I'm feeling like we finished that drop, and have now zoomed off onto some other portion of the ride. Perhaps a loop-d-loo? At any rate - I'm feeling a bit better again about being on the ride in the first place. But I felt like I should write about the past two weeks, and be continue in my effort for honest blogging.
Here's what it boils down to: I miss him. Terribly.
Jaren is the one that makes my world tick. He is that extra set of hands that I never knew I even needed. He does things so often without being asked, I had no idea how much more work I'd be taking on. At first I was feeling empowered... like, "see... we can do this!" But for those two weeks I was not so sure. I'm taking a moment to just recognize that this is already the hardest thing I've ever done.
Life doesn't stop when your husband goes to war. It keeps going, and in MY world - there tends to always be a tad bit of crazy going around in it. Jaren has always been the easy going guy that reminds me how to laugh, and to not take things seriously. So without him, I find I'm getting very..... serious.
Sure, I'm also making huge strides - like selling a car all by myself. And figuring out how to get my kids to take a nap at the same time so that I can mow the lawn. I'm also asking for help more than ever in my life. This does not come easy to a prideful person like me. But I honestly couldn't do this without the help of the women around me. I can't just call my Mom to come over and watch my girls when I need to go to Young Women's. I have to ask people to spend part of their hard earned time watching over my little responsibilities.
I also have to thank the friends and family that make those little phone calls to me; or send the unexpected clothes to Alta and Mila; or the sweet Rosie the Riverter dog tags. These kind of care packages keep me going as well. There is nothing like knowing that people love and support you, and are praying for you.
Just today I got a text from a friend back home in Utah that simply said: Smile. What an amazing gift that was!
Anyhow, I think September 11th, helped kicked my attitude back into focus. It reminded me of how proud I am of my husband and his sacrifice.
So let's just blare this over the loudspeaker: keep our arms and legs in the ride at all times - and hopefully we will all get through this without any loss of limb - and hopefully very little puking.
